RH: Maki.
Maki: Yeah?
RH: I was gonna tell you something but I forgot because I just had to unclog a toilet. Don't worry, I washed my hands with soap. I might be lazy, but I'm hygenic.
Maki: Uh huh...
RH: You know that hole that shoots water out to push everything down? Well, the toilet paper got stuck in there.
Maki: Haha, you should've just told me you were dropping your kids off at a pool.
RH: I don't have kids.
Maki: Oh... >__>
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Up & Down - 6
Krom: I hate hallways.
Sern: Hallways are an important part of a building. If we didn't have hallways, it'd be like an apartment. Why would you hate them?
Krom: Because people think it's okay standing in the middle of a three meter wide hallway and socialize.
Sern: Sounds like an easy solution would be to walk around them.
Krom: Guess what? There's around three groups of people, standing less than a meter of each other, socializing about their weekend. Who the fuck stands in the middle of a hallway, socializing about their weekend, when they could stick to the side? These are the type of people we don't want driving on the road. We'd have them stopping their cars in the middle of the road, talking to the guy in the other car.
Sern: But think of it this way, if we keep driving our cars while talking, we'd crash.
Krom: You got a point there.
Sern: Hallways are an important part of a building. If we didn't have hallways, it'd be like an apartment. Why would you hate them?
Krom: Because people think it's okay standing in the middle of a three meter wide hallway and socialize.
Sern: Sounds like an easy solution would be to walk around them.
Krom: Guess what? There's around three groups of people, standing less than a meter of each other, socializing about their weekend. Who the fuck stands in the middle of a hallway, socializing about their weekend, when they could stick to the side? These are the type of people we don't want driving on the road. We'd have them stopping their cars in the middle of the road, talking to the guy in the other car.
Sern: But think of it this way, if we keep driving our cars while talking, we'd crash.
Krom: You got a point there.
The Palace's Uproar - 1
Prologue
Dust settled over the ruins of the now dead city once known as simply The Palace. It was once propserous and ever growing but then it changed over time. From a kingdom created by one man to mere rubble was a sight people could deem tragic. Only one part of it never succumbed to aging and dumbfounded the population. A lone stone tablet was embedded into the ground to where the final battle took place before the world became what it is today.
No one really understood why the battle occurred. Or even when it did. They knew it was of great importance where, without it, the world would've been shrouded in complete darkness. On the tablet were the last words of the band of heroes who emerged victorious:
"After all we've been through, we never once gave up hope. But it's the end. We can't bring back something we lost, it's nature's law. The only thing we can do is start anew. Begin a new age of propserity. We'll make him proud, as we carry on his legacy."
Below it were engraved the names of four people: Auronnova, Cloud, Demetric, Leon, and Shin.
Dust settled over the ruins of the now dead city once known as simply The Palace. It was once propserous and ever growing but then it changed over time. From a kingdom created by one man to mere rubble was a sight people could deem tragic. Only one part of it never succumbed to aging and dumbfounded the population. A lone stone tablet was embedded into the ground to where the final battle took place before the world became what it is today.
No one really understood why the battle occurred. Or even when it did. They knew it was of great importance where, without it, the world would've been shrouded in complete darkness. On the tablet were the last words of the band of heroes who emerged victorious:
"After all we've been through, we never once gave up hope. But it's the end. We can't bring back something we lost, it's nature's law. The only thing we can do is start anew. Begin a new age of propserity. We'll make him proud, as we carry on his legacy."
Below it were engraved the names of four people: Auronnova, Cloud, Demetric, Leon, and Shin.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Up & Down - 5
Krom: Imagine a loud, ugly, 300-pound bitch who loves to wear low cut tops in your Visual Communications class. But (thank god) she's not there for your field, but so she can learn a little about how to promote her 'store'. Which isn't a store, but a weaboo dream of going from con to con as a vendor. Not just a passing fancy, but a heavy set desire to be forever low level.
Better yet, she's a big gaiafag: On the first day, the computer she was at wouldn't turn on, and she complained that she couldn't go onto her Gaia account. Then when we made our logos, I made a suppressed level design based off of my name in katakana that arranges to look like a seven. SHE makes a fucking pair of letters with the EXACT Gaia wing on it. When she explained, every single thumbnail was something to do with that god damned thing. She then goes on to tell us her desire, insulting, of all things, Fast Food Anime claiming that she'll be bigger than them. fuck her, they always have the best prices for when I need weaboo goods.
Then we made our business cards and letterheads. She makes a block of text imposed over that god damn wing, and she uses them on each corner of the letterhead. Hey, guess what bitch, that's COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT; she's setting herself up for lawsuits, moron.
On the second day of class I was watching Gurren Lagann and she noticed; God. Dammit. Thankfully I brushed her off. But I still hear her. She brags about all of her Haruhi DVDs. She plays businessman and talks to some other weaboo over her pinku cell phone. She has no talent in this field, which really pisses me off because I'm actually good at this shit! Yet twice a week I have to deal with outright low level weaboo faggotry combined with her bitching about how she can't even get Illustrator to work.
Sern: You should've put the frog in the box.
Better yet, she's a big gaiafag: On the first day, the computer she was at wouldn't turn on, and she complained that she couldn't go onto her Gaia account. Then when we made our logos, I made a suppressed level design based off of my name in katakana that arranges to look like a seven. SHE makes a fucking pair of letters with the EXACT Gaia wing on it. When she explained, every single thumbnail was something to do with that god damned thing. She then goes on to tell us her desire, insulting, of all things, Fast Food Anime claiming that she'll be bigger than them. fuck her, they always have the best prices for when I need weaboo goods.
Then we made our business cards and letterheads. She makes a block of text imposed over that god damn wing, and she uses them on each corner of the letterhead. Hey, guess what bitch, that's COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT; she's setting herself up for lawsuits, moron.
On the second day of class I was watching Gurren Lagann and she noticed; God. Dammit. Thankfully I brushed her off. But I still hear her. She brags about all of her Haruhi DVDs. She plays businessman and talks to some other weaboo over her pinku cell phone. She has no talent in this field, which really pisses me off because I'm actually good at this shit! Yet twice a week I have to deal with outright low level weaboo faggotry combined with her bitching about how she can't even get Illustrator to work.
Sern: You should've put the frog in the box.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Up & Down - 4
Donut: I'm just sick of outfits that have huge, obvious flaws that would render them completely useless in practice. Like a fighter wearing armor that covers everything except her midriff and/or thighs, or a ranger wearing high-heeled shoes(!). Magic users (as I assume this lady is) could presumably wear whatever the fuck they want as long as it's light and doesn't interfere with casting spells, since they're not supposed to be on the front lines... but a metal bikini? That's just insulting."
Sern: Actually, depending on the situation, her wardrobe (or lack there of) could come in handy in certain circumstances. Consider that if she regularly were to fight in this garb, her party would be used to it and not nearly as distracted as perhaps a monster that is either drooling or wondering what the fuck she is doing there waiting to be electrocuted. Not to mention that it makes it easier for her to get on the cover of MCW (Magic Casters Weekly).
Plus, even though cotton does breathe much better than metal, it's more flammable. In the case of a dragon, you don't want your clothes to catch on fire. The light fabric is then just an accessory, and would be taken off for battle. As she would not want much weight while casting, it would be best for her to have as little metal on her as possible, and so a full metal suit would be inefficient, as she isn't a tank. But she doesn't want to be totally indecent while fighting (as being nude would fit all of the above scenarios best) she has opted for a stylish and flattering outfit that makes fanboys droll as well as the monsters.
Donut: But in the case of the dragon, wouldn't melting panties be as bad as flaming panties?
Sern: Worse, but different metals have different melting points. That would need to be made out of Titanium or Cromium at minimum, but would probably be better suited as Tungsten which has a melting point of 6192 degrees F.
Now there would also be a concern for heat conduction, but in the case of Dragon flames, these would be short, and you wouldn't want to be hit by it anyway, you would more be concerned about the bushes around you burning, which a flowing garment may brush against.
Krom: Good God, what the fuck, you are arguing about the effectiveness of metal underwear against dragons.
Sern: Actually, depending on the situation, her wardrobe (or lack there of) could come in handy in certain circumstances. Consider that if she regularly were to fight in this garb, her party would be used to it and not nearly as distracted as perhaps a monster that is either drooling or wondering what the fuck she is doing there waiting to be electrocuted. Not to mention that it makes it easier for her to get on the cover of MCW (Magic Casters Weekly).
Plus, even though cotton does breathe much better than metal, it's more flammable. In the case of a dragon, you don't want your clothes to catch on fire. The light fabric is then just an accessory, and would be taken off for battle. As she would not want much weight while casting, it would be best for her to have as little metal on her as possible, and so a full metal suit would be inefficient, as she isn't a tank. But she doesn't want to be totally indecent while fighting (as being nude would fit all of the above scenarios best) she has opted for a stylish and flattering outfit that makes fanboys droll as well as the monsters.
Donut: But in the case of the dragon, wouldn't melting panties be as bad as flaming panties?
Sern: Worse, but different metals have different melting points. That would need to be made out of Titanium or Cromium at minimum, but would probably be better suited as Tungsten which has a melting point of 6192 degrees F.
Now there would also be a concern for heat conduction, but in the case of Dragon flames, these would be short, and you wouldn't want to be hit by it anyway, you would more be concerned about the bushes around you burning, which a flowing garment may brush against.
Krom: Good God, what the fuck, you are arguing about the effectiveness of metal underwear against dragons.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Up & Down - 3
Sern: The real way to revive Aerith is to call her TENSHI (all caps) which is Japanese for angel, after that you play through the game as normal except you have to make sure you have the maximum possible relationship stat with Aerith (refer to TFergusson's Date Mechanics Guide on www.gamefaqs.com). In the scene just before Sephiroth kills her where you control Cloud trying to resist Sephiroth's commands you walk up to Aerith and input the same cheat code in FFI and IX; R2, L1, R2, R2, Up, X, Right, O, Down, Triangle, L2, R1, R2, L1, Square, Square really quickly (there's no way to confirm if you did this correctly until much later in the game).
After this the game continues as normal until Cloud returns to your party after becoming sick. After this you go back to Bone Village and on your way to the City of the Ancients you will see a flash back of Aerith's death but this time you will see a glowing angelic figure float out of Aerith's body and fly off the screen as she's lying on the floor dead. Once the flashback sequence is finished you will find that you can now climb up some vines to the right of the screen in the area you were in that lead up to a cave. As you enter the cave you will see the angel figure floating above some white materia but it will quickly dissapear into the materia as you approach it, you then pick up the materia which is called Holy Revival (it counts as a Key Treasure much like the Black Materia so you can't equip it or sell it).
Take the Holy Revival materia to the spot where Cloud put Aerith to rest at the bottom of the lake, once again input R2, L1, R2, R2, Up, X, Right, O, Down, Triangle, L2, R1, R2, L1, Square, Square. If you've done this correctly you will see a cut scene where Cloud takes out the Holy Revival materia which the angel figure will then leave and fly towards the bottom of the lake where Aerith rests, you will then see a flash in the water and afew seconds later Aerith will float up from the bottom of the lake with her hair down and glowing white wings (she has this appearance for the rest of the game).
Her level will be the average level of your party and has a weapon called Divine Sceptre equiped which gives her 110 Strength, 200 Attack% and 255 Magic with 8 linked slots and triple materia growth, her armour will be called Blessed Bangle which gives her 170 Vitality and 255 Spirit and also has 8 linked slots and triple materia growth. She also has an accesory called Heaven's Ring which automatically gives everyone in the party Auto-Life.
Additonal notes: You cannot change Aertih's equpiment after reviving her. You will find that the Holy Revival Materia is gone from your key item list after reviving Aerith. Aerith has practically no dialogue apart from where it's compulsary for your party to make a comment. You can talk to Aerith on the Highwind and at the Northern Cave. Aerith will not appear in any FMV sequences including the ending.
Krom: Shit, I thought you had to use strength on the truck to revive Aeris.
After this the game continues as normal until Cloud returns to your party after becoming sick. After this you go back to Bone Village and on your way to the City of the Ancients you will see a flash back of Aerith's death but this time you will see a glowing angelic figure float out of Aerith's body and fly off the screen as she's lying on the floor dead. Once the flashback sequence is finished you will find that you can now climb up some vines to the right of the screen in the area you were in that lead up to a cave. As you enter the cave you will see the angel figure floating above some white materia but it will quickly dissapear into the materia as you approach it, you then pick up the materia which is called Holy Revival (it counts as a Key Treasure much like the Black Materia so you can't equip it or sell it).
Take the Holy Revival materia to the spot where Cloud put Aerith to rest at the bottom of the lake, once again input R2, L1, R2, R2, Up, X, Right, O, Down, Triangle, L2, R1, R2, L1, Square, Square. If you've done this correctly you will see a cut scene where Cloud takes out the Holy Revival materia which the angel figure will then leave and fly towards the bottom of the lake where Aerith rests, you will then see a flash in the water and afew seconds later Aerith will float up from the bottom of the lake with her hair down and glowing white wings (she has this appearance for the rest of the game).
Her level will be the average level of your party and has a weapon called Divine Sceptre equiped which gives her 110 Strength, 200 Attack% and 255 Magic with 8 linked slots and triple materia growth, her armour will be called Blessed Bangle which gives her 170 Vitality and 255 Spirit and also has 8 linked slots and triple materia growth. She also has an accesory called Heaven's Ring which automatically gives everyone in the party Auto-Life.
Additonal notes: You cannot change Aertih's equpiment after reviving her. You will find that the Holy Revival Materia is gone from your key item list after reviving Aerith. Aerith has practically no dialogue apart from where it's compulsary for your party to make a comment. You can talk to Aerith on the Highwind and at the Northern Cave. Aerith will not appear in any FMV sequences including the ending.
Krom: Shit, I thought you had to use strength on the truck to revive Aeris.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Hentai Priest - Chapter 2
Every year, a woman comes in to validate the chapel and makes sure the priest is actually doing something useful. Just by knowing this, you guys should already grasped the idea Hentai wasn't ready for this day. But he always had a trick up his sleeve.
He was going to sneak out. It's genius, he can easily escape validation if he's not there to be validated. God, why haven't I thought of this in order to skip tests? Oh yeah, because I usually fail them.
Hentai got out from under his desk and quickly opened his office door. His head was pointed at the ground though. Ever heard of the term, if I can't see you, you can't see me? Well, this is what he's doing. But boy, did it backfire.
His head dived right between the woman's breasts as he continued walking. This woman was particularly strong. It was said that she was able to push the ground down in order for a wheelchaired person to access an area.
Hentai began to walk faster and faster until his legs blurred and dust covered him. The woman slapped his face causing him to fly into a wall. He landed flat on his face and rubble piled over him. She sticked her hand into the rubble and dragged his head up.
"Listen here, punk, just because you're older than me doesn't mean you can do that, got it?"
"Do what? I was just trying to make a run for it."
"That's worse!" She tossed his body onto the cross where Jesus was crucified on. Hentai's body clearly went straight into Jesus leaving his body bruised.
"Damn you Jesus, why did you have to be there..." His body fell onto the alter that mysteriously looked like a bed.
The woman walked towards the alter and looked down on him through her glasses.
"Please don't hurt me anymore!"
"I didn't plan to." She began to take off her clothes when Hentai suddenly pushed her onto the ground.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"Can't you see? Making you quit as a priest."
"But if you do that, the title of this story wouldn't be Hentai Priest anymore!"
"Then we have no choice but to change the name..." She brushed way the hair from her face and began to make her fingers draw an invisible line towards his pants.
"Wait! There might be children reading this!"
"As if they even care, they would've probably lost interest in the first chapter.
Hentai muttered "Oh shit" to himself many times as she began to make her move on him.
"Wait!"
"What now?"
"Look! It's strawberry milk man!"
"Where!?"
Hentai took this chance and began to dash for the chapel doors when they suddenly blew open. One of the doors slammed his body at the ground. A man with a sheathed sword lowered his leg and ran in.
"Brother! I'm here to save you! And quietly perform incest stuff with you..."
The woman sighed and walked towards him. Hentai's brother stepped onto the door with him under it as well as the woman.
"Who are you? Where is my brother? Whom I find very attractive..."
"That's none of your business, and your brother is going to be marrying me."
"Wait, what!?" yelled Hentai from under the door.
"That's right, you're marrying me. I'm not really the validator for this chapel. Your father and my parents had just arranged us together."
"Brother, you are quite the ladies man. Wish you could be attracted to me..."
"Shut up. First off, brother, what are you doing here. Second, why am I getting married?"
"I'm here because I heard some hot action was going on between you two and being the sensitive and caring brother I am, I couldn't let that happen."
"You're getting married because your father wants to have good relations with my parent's company."
"Both of you, get out of my chapel, this is God's house!"
"God's house? Then let's ask him if we're destined to be together forever."
"Back off."
Hentai mustered all of his strength and began to lift the door with two adults up. The woman instantly noticed this and stomped on it. Hentai lost his balance and fell again.
"The name's Fio... What's your's?
"As if it mattered, the name's Prokrastinate AKA Pro."
"Will you guys get off me?" Hentai began to breathe heavier and heavier.
"You are the successor to Hokuto Shin Ken, right?" asked Fio.
Pro instantly shook. "H-how did you know? Not even I, his loving brother, told anyone."
"That just means you did tell someone!"
"Obviously, I didn't tell the guys at the anime club that Hokuto no Ken was a true story that took place many a year ago..."
"Screw this!" He yelled and lifted the door without effort and sent the two flying in a swirling motion. "You guys can never tell anyone else that. It's a secret. Besides, everyone knows that I can't stay a priest if I do that."
"Screw that. This chapel is going to be destroyed in a matter of minutes," said Fio while brushing her hair.
Pro rubbed his chin at her, "You mean those giant machines outside I destroyed were meant to take down this chapel?"
"I guess... How did you take them down?"
"Even though I use a sword, I'm also a practitioner of Hokuto Shin Ken," he said cracking his knuckles.
Hentai pointed at him nervously, "B-but father said you're not allowed to use it on the weak! It would cause our family's secret to be known!" He fell on his knees and began to cry.
Pro kneeled beside him and held his chin towards his face. Sparkles began to shine from his body, "Don't worry, little brother, I'll protect the secret."
Hentai punched Pro in the face, "What the hell!? You just exposed it! And don't do that to me again..."
Fio crossed her arms, "It doesn't matter, this chapel is going to be torn down anyways. You guys can stay at my house."
Pro leaped on Hentai by the shoulders, "Even me!? That's awesome! That gives me more time to read my H-doujinshi..."
Hentai began to panic, "But the chapel! W-what!?"
Fio lifted Hentai off the ground by his legs and began to carry him out of the chapel. Pro followed closely behind.
----------------------------
Hentai kneeled quietly in the corner crying, "M-my chapel's gone..."
Fio sighed and drank a bottle of wine, "Look, you can be a priest till we're married, alright? Stop being a SOB and find another way to help people other than using that crappy chapel."
"That chapel meant a lot to me y'know!"
She threw the empty bottle at his head with a quick flick of the wrist. "Seriously, cut it out. I'm sure readers are pissed off at your whining already when you're supposed to be perverted and stuff."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I was just trying to be dramatic."
Pro grabbed Hentai from behind with his arms around his neck and chest.
"W-what the hell!? Hey, stop licking my neck and biting my ear! Hey!"
Fio smiled, "Finally, I can sleep in peace knowing two men are protecting me..." She fell sideways and began to snore quietly.
What the hell did she mean by protecting her? Could this marriage be just a trap? Or could she really love him and just can't confess? God damn, should I even continue? Because you gotta remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But who cares about forests these days.
He was going to sneak out. It's genius, he can easily escape validation if he's not there to be validated. God, why haven't I thought of this in order to skip tests? Oh yeah, because I usually fail them.
Hentai got out from under his desk and quickly opened his office door. His head was pointed at the ground though. Ever heard of the term, if I can't see you, you can't see me? Well, this is what he's doing. But boy, did it backfire.
His head dived right between the woman's breasts as he continued walking. This woman was particularly strong. It was said that she was able to push the ground down in order for a wheelchaired person to access an area.
Hentai began to walk faster and faster until his legs blurred and dust covered him. The woman slapped his face causing him to fly into a wall. He landed flat on his face and rubble piled over him. She sticked her hand into the rubble and dragged his head up.
"Listen here, punk, just because you're older than me doesn't mean you can do that, got it?"
"Do what? I was just trying to make a run for it."
"That's worse!" She tossed his body onto the cross where Jesus was crucified on. Hentai's body clearly went straight into Jesus leaving his body bruised.
"Damn you Jesus, why did you have to be there..." His body fell onto the alter that mysteriously looked like a bed.
The woman walked towards the alter and looked down on him through her glasses.
"Please don't hurt me anymore!"
"I didn't plan to." She began to take off her clothes when Hentai suddenly pushed her onto the ground.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
"Can't you see? Making you quit as a priest."
"But if you do that, the title of this story wouldn't be Hentai Priest anymore!"
"Then we have no choice but to change the name..." She brushed way the hair from her face and began to make her fingers draw an invisible line towards his pants.
"Wait! There might be children reading this!"
"As if they even care, they would've probably lost interest in the first chapter.
Hentai muttered "Oh shit" to himself many times as she began to make her move on him.
"Wait!"
"What now?"
"Look! It's strawberry milk man!"
"Where!?"
Hentai took this chance and began to dash for the chapel doors when they suddenly blew open. One of the doors slammed his body at the ground. A man with a sheathed sword lowered his leg and ran in.
"Brother! I'm here to save you! And quietly perform incest stuff with you..."
The woman sighed and walked towards him. Hentai's brother stepped onto the door with him under it as well as the woman.
"Who are you? Where is my brother? Whom I find very attractive..."
"That's none of your business, and your brother is going to be marrying me."
"Wait, what!?" yelled Hentai from under the door.
"That's right, you're marrying me. I'm not really the validator for this chapel. Your father and my parents had just arranged us together."
"Brother, you are quite the ladies man. Wish you could be attracted to me..."
"Shut up. First off, brother, what are you doing here. Second, why am I getting married?"
"I'm here because I heard some hot action was going on between you two and being the sensitive and caring brother I am, I couldn't let that happen."
"You're getting married because your father wants to have good relations with my parent's company."
"Both of you, get out of my chapel, this is God's house!"
"God's house? Then let's ask him if we're destined to be together forever."
"Back off."
Hentai mustered all of his strength and began to lift the door with two adults up. The woman instantly noticed this and stomped on it. Hentai lost his balance and fell again.
"The name's Fio... What's your's?
"As if it mattered, the name's Prokrastinate AKA Pro."
"Will you guys get off me?" Hentai began to breathe heavier and heavier.
"You are the successor to Hokuto Shin Ken, right?" asked Fio.
Pro instantly shook. "H-how did you know? Not even I, his loving brother, told anyone."
"That just means you did tell someone!"
"Obviously, I didn't tell the guys at the anime club that Hokuto no Ken was a true story that took place many a year ago..."
"Screw this!" He yelled and lifted the door without effort and sent the two flying in a swirling motion. "You guys can never tell anyone else that. It's a secret. Besides, everyone knows that I can't stay a priest if I do that."
"Screw that. This chapel is going to be destroyed in a matter of minutes," said Fio while brushing her hair.
Pro rubbed his chin at her, "You mean those giant machines outside I destroyed were meant to take down this chapel?"
"I guess... How did you take them down?"
"Even though I use a sword, I'm also a practitioner of Hokuto Shin Ken," he said cracking his knuckles.
Hentai pointed at him nervously, "B-but father said you're not allowed to use it on the weak! It would cause our family's secret to be known!" He fell on his knees and began to cry.
Pro kneeled beside him and held his chin towards his face. Sparkles began to shine from his body, "Don't worry, little brother, I'll protect the secret."
Hentai punched Pro in the face, "What the hell!? You just exposed it! And don't do that to me again..."
Fio crossed her arms, "It doesn't matter, this chapel is going to be torn down anyways. You guys can stay at my house."
Pro leaped on Hentai by the shoulders, "Even me!? That's awesome! That gives me more time to read my H-doujinshi..."
Hentai began to panic, "But the chapel! W-what!?"
Fio lifted Hentai off the ground by his legs and began to carry him out of the chapel. Pro followed closely behind.
----------------------------
Hentai kneeled quietly in the corner crying, "M-my chapel's gone..."
Fio sighed and drank a bottle of wine, "Look, you can be a priest till we're married, alright? Stop being a SOB and find another way to help people other than using that crappy chapel."
"That chapel meant a lot to me y'know!"
She threw the empty bottle at his head with a quick flick of the wrist. "Seriously, cut it out. I'm sure readers are pissed off at your whining already when you're supposed to be perverted and stuff."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I was just trying to be dramatic."
Pro grabbed Hentai from behind with his arms around his neck and chest.
"W-what the hell!? Hey, stop licking my neck and biting my ear! Hey!"
Fio smiled, "Finally, I can sleep in peace knowing two men are protecting me..." She fell sideways and began to snore quietly.
What the hell did she mean by protecting her? Could this marriage be just a trap? Or could she really love him and just can't confess? God damn, should I even continue? Because you gotta remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But who cares about forests these days.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Hentai Priest - Chapter 1
In some religions, priests are never allowed to marry anyone or even touch that subject, let alone dance around it. According to them, they're married to God and even have a ring given to them by the church to prove it. This meant that they can't cheat on God. Because if they cheat on God, they'll go to hell. This thought doesn't cross the minds of priests since they have decided on this long ago. But this man's story is different.
Let's take a look back at his childhood. At a young age, he was already interested on how a female's body worked. His family had a special trait that allowed them to instantly know if something was different from the day before. Such as if someone dared to touch someone else's money or even the slight difference in where the door was originally positioned from before. Despite being obvious or not, they'll notice it.
He instantly noticed a difference on the female's chests. They were expanding. Back then, he didn't know what this was all about. He was at the age where sex was still a mystery to him and anything arousing was still locked deep inside. Finding this oddly peculiar, he decided to dive in deeper.
His family also had another trait. Their minds develop to their most mature state in just a few years of from their births. Being able to process information faster and remembering things better, they can easily become the smartest on Earth. Much of his siblings are already presidents of some countries, lead scientists in science, or doctors that already discovered the cure to the most severe of diseases.
This made his entire family rich and possess nearly the world's whole economy. The boy lives in luxary and usually enjoys learning more about things he doesn't know about. Like why the sky's blue, or why people die. With libraries full of information on nearly every subject (Ranging from cardboard to Metal Gear Solid), he could easily find out.
With these resources at his disposal, he immediately learned the next lesson in life: puberty. But he was more interested with a female's development rather than male's. Taking observations such as expansion rates and sizes of each of their breasts, he turned into what we call today, a pervert.
This continued onto high school where he discovered more subjects to be researched. He began to divide the different types of breasts into different catagories. This soon went out of hand where he was confiscated of all his research when he began physically testing the subjects. He soon changed his ways and began to learn religion and became a priest in order to repent for what he has done for all those years.
At first, he thought it was a genius of a plan but when he learned he could never marry a woman or even as to so much date them, he regretted the idea and wanted to back away. To not be able to love anyone else but God. To never be able to taste of the forbidden fruit... But it was too late. His graduation into priest hood was imminent.
This brings us to today. The year doesn't matter. Technology is growing at a rapid rate as well as harmony across nations. Only small troubles remain with delinquents and retards:
--------------------------------------
"Hey dude."
"Yeah?"
"Want a fruit punch?"
"Sure! That'll be swell!"
"Here's some fruit.. and here's the punch!"
---------------------------------------
The main character of this story doesn't have a real name. When he was concieved at birth, his parents forgot to name him because of their busy lives. He was referred as "He" or "Boy". But during high school, after the accident that changed his life, he was nicknamed Hentai (search it up on Google).
Continuing on, Hentai is busy sweeping the stairs of his chapel as usual. His chapel is in a rundown alley way where no one of a good heart comes through anymore. Believe it or not, priests draw out of a hat to decide which chapel they're in charge of. Sadly, Hentai's luck was bad.
Hentai never had any luck. Instead, all he had was bad luck. One time, he was supposed to get a set of encylopedias for his birthday since he was still in the age of curiosity. But he got a dirty book instead. It wasn't exactly bad luck but... maybe he was lucky but depends on what you want and don't want, I guess.
Changing the subject, he's been sweeping and sweeping in the same spot for ages. Will he ever get the place clean? No matter how much he swings that broom, dust just keeps flying.
Hentai sighed and rested the broomstick on his shoulder. "Boy, it's hot today," he said wiping the sweat from his forehead.
Global warming was still in effect. It was discovered that it wasn't the atmosphere's problem, but actually the Earth was being drawn closer to the sun. Who would've thought?
Scientists have thought this to be slander but they only bit their tongues when they found out it took three days less to get to the sun from Earth. Also a small bit to add, scientists have also developed a spaceship that can fly through the sun. Inside of the sun is actually another colony ready to invade Earth. Luckily, the spaceship destroyed their entire city and caused their heat resistant barrier to fade away.
Hentai looked at the sky and noticed clouds were gathering. "I should head inside before it starts to rain."
Right, Hentai went back inside his chapel and closed the doors behind him. A lot of porno magazines and dirty videos were lying around the chapel. He had some bad people come in before who decided to jack off inside considering most of Earth is always on camera.
Hentai's chapel is one of the only places that isn't built with a camera installed since nothing interesting ever happens there. Being the priest he is, he doesn't really want to throw them in the trash and allows people to come in and go to masturbate whenever they please.
By now, you think that Hentai is a very bad priest but it wasn't always like this. When his chapel was first built, people actually went in to pray and attend all that ceremonial stuff. However people began to frequent a competing chapel beside a teleportation dock.
In this time and day, teleportation docks were the fastest way to travel from place to place. Not many were built so they're very spaced from each other. They have little line-ups as well so they were frequently used. This caused Hentai's chapel to eventually become run down with no one coming in.
Hentai is a very respected young man and quite good-looking as well. Sometimes young girls come and look for him just for the opportunity to talk to him. But they're usually too scared to even touch the chapel's door because of rumours floating around about his rape crimes, but in the light of truth, they were just lies when he accidentally fell into a woman's cleavage.
Enough backstory, let's cut to the main story, shall we?
------------------------------
Hentai sat in his office and spinned around in his chair with a lollipop in his mouth. He's been quite bored and had nothing of interest to do. Until, one day...
"Hello, is anyone in there?" A beautiful woman opened the chapel's doors and walked inside. "I'm here to meet the priest of this chapel, I'm supposed to validate you to see if you have the qualifications to still be a priest."
Hentai hid under his desk. He quietly muttered "Oh man" to himself over and over.
What's gonna happen? You'll know if just one of you guys will bother reading this.
Let's take a look back at his childhood. At a young age, he was already interested on how a female's body worked. His family had a special trait that allowed them to instantly know if something was different from the day before. Such as if someone dared to touch someone else's money or even the slight difference in where the door was originally positioned from before. Despite being obvious or not, they'll notice it.
He instantly noticed a difference on the female's chests. They were expanding. Back then, he didn't know what this was all about. He was at the age where sex was still a mystery to him and anything arousing was still locked deep inside. Finding this oddly peculiar, he decided to dive in deeper.
His family also had another trait. Their minds develop to their most mature state in just a few years of from their births. Being able to process information faster and remembering things better, they can easily become the smartest on Earth. Much of his siblings are already presidents of some countries, lead scientists in science, or doctors that already discovered the cure to the most severe of diseases.
This made his entire family rich and possess nearly the world's whole economy. The boy lives in luxary and usually enjoys learning more about things he doesn't know about. Like why the sky's blue, or why people die. With libraries full of information on nearly every subject (Ranging from cardboard to Metal Gear Solid), he could easily find out.
With these resources at his disposal, he immediately learned the next lesson in life: puberty. But he was more interested with a female's development rather than male's. Taking observations such as expansion rates and sizes of each of their breasts, he turned into what we call today, a pervert.
This continued onto high school where he discovered more subjects to be researched. He began to divide the different types of breasts into different catagories. This soon went out of hand where he was confiscated of all his research when he began physically testing the subjects. He soon changed his ways and began to learn religion and became a priest in order to repent for what he has done for all those years.
At first, he thought it was a genius of a plan but when he learned he could never marry a woman or even as to so much date them, he regretted the idea and wanted to back away. To not be able to love anyone else but God. To never be able to taste of the forbidden fruit... But it was too late. His graduation into priest hood was imminent.
This brings us to today. The year doesn't matter. Technology is growing at a rapid rate as well as harmony across nations. Only small troubles remain with delinquents and retards:
--------------------------------------
"Hey dude."
"Yeah?"
"Want a fruit punch?"
"Sure! That'll be swell!"
"Here's some fruit.. and here's the punch!"
---------------------------------------
The main character of this story doesn't have a real name. When he was concieved at birth, his parents forgot to name him because of their busy lives. He was referred as "He" or "Boy". But during high school, after the accident that changed his life, he was nicknamed Hentai (search it up on Google).
Continuing on, Hentai is busy sweeping the stairs of his chapel as usual. His chapel is in a rundown alley way where no one of a good heart comes through anymore. Believe it or not, priests draw out of a hat to decide which chapel they're in charge of. Sadly, Hentai's luck was bad.
Hentai never had any luck. Instead, all he had was bad luck. One time, he was supposed to get a set of encylopedias for his birthday since he was still in the age of curiosity. But he got a dirty book instead. It wasn't exactly bad luck but... maybe he was lucky but depends on what you want and don't want, I guess.
Changing the subject, he's been sweeping and sweeping in the same spot for ages. Will he ever get the place clean? No matter how much he swings that broom, dust just keeps flying.
Hentai sighed and rested the broomstick on his shoulder. "Boy, it's hot today," he said wiping the sweat from his forehead.
Global warming was still in effect. It was discovered that it wasn't the atmosphere's problem, but actually the Earth was being drawn closer to the sun. Who would've thought?
Scientists have thought this to be slander but they only bit their tongues when they found out it took three days less to get to the sun from Earth. Also a small bit to add, scientists have also developed a spaceship that can fly through the sun. Inside of the sun is actually another colony ready to invade Earth. Luckily, the spaceship destroyed their entire city and caused their heat resistant barrier to fade away.
Hentai looked at the sky and noticed clouds were gathering. "I should head inside before it starts to rain."
Right, Hentai went back inside his chapel and closed the doors behind him. A lot of porno magazines and dirty videos were lying around the chapel. He had some bad people come in before who decided to jack off inside considering most of Earth is always on camera.
Hentai's chapel is one of the only places that isn't built with a camera installed since nothing interesting ever happens there. Being the priest he is, he doesn't really want to throw them in the trash and allows people to come in and go to masturbate whenever they please.
By now, you think that Hentai is a very bad priest but it wasn't always like this. When his chapel was first built, people actually went in to pray and attend all that ceremonial stuff. However people began to frequent a competing chapel beside a teleportation dock.
In this time and day, teleportation docks were the fastest way to travel from place to place. Not many were built so they're very spaced from each other. They have little line-ups as well so they were frequently used. This caused Hentai's chapel to eventually become run down with no one coming in.
Hentai is a very respected young man and quite good-looking as well. Sometimes young girls come and look for him just for the opportunity to talk to him. But they're usually too scared to even touch the chapel's door because of rumours floating around about his rape crimes, but in the light of truth, they were just lies when he accidentally fell into a woman's cleavage.
Enough backstory, let's cut to the main story, shall we?
------------------------------
Hentai sat in his office and spinned around in his chair with a lollipop in his mouth. He's been quite bored and had nothing of interest to do. Until, one day...
"Hello, is anyone in there?" A beautiful woman opened the chapel's doors and walked inside. "I'm here to meet the priest of this chapel, I'm supposed to validate you to see if you have the qualifications to still be a priest."
Hentai hid under his desk. He quietly muttered "Oh man" to himself over and over.
What's gonna happen? You'll know if just one of you guys will bother reading this.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Up & Down - 2
Krom: Whoops.
Sern: What did you do this time?
Krom: I registered our tickets for Anime North.
Sern: And?
Krom: I didn't put down the names.
Sern: What? That's the most important thing! What the hell!
Krom: Well, then I found out it works perfectly if you only register one person at a time.
Sern: Why didn't you do that first then?
Krom: I don't want my credit card statements to be more than a page long.
Sern: What did you do this time?
Krom: I registered our tickets for Anime North.
Sern: And?
Krom: I didn't put down the names.
Sern: What? That's the most important thing! What the hell!
Krom: Well, then I found out it works perfectly if you only register one person at a time.
Sern: Why didn't you do that first then?
Krom: I don't want my credit card statements to be more than a page long.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Up & Down - 1
Sern: Hey, Donut, have you watched Grenadier?
Donut: Yeah, and I'm not particular proud of that either...
Sern: It might be ecchi but it's good, right?
Donut: The main character reloads her gun with bullets from inbetween her cleavage.
Sern: Come on, it's a skill. I'm pretty sure all woman who uses guns these days do that.
Donut: Name one woman who uses a gun.
Sern: Er... Uh... Yeah...
Donut: Not only that, the fact that the main character keeps saying "to strip the armor off of the opponent to take away their will to fight" sounds too sexual.
Sern: But it's good, right?
Donut: Yeah, Grenadier is good.
Donut: Yeah, and I'm not particular proud of that either...
Sern: It might be ecchi but it's good, right?
Donut: The main character reloads her gun with bullets from inbetween her cleavage.
Sern: Come on, it's a skill. I'm pretty sure all woman who uses guns these days do that.
Donut: Name one woman who uses a gun.
Sern: Er... Uh... Yeah...
Donut: Not only that, the fact that the main character keeps saying "to strip the armor off of the opponent to take away their will to fight" sounds too sexual.
Sern: But it's good, right?
Donut: Yeah, Grenadier is good.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Names
Ever tried making up a name but having found out it's unavailable because someone already took it? You're now reading about a guy who just experienced that. Not once, but countless other times.
But what's harder than finding a name that hasn't been taken, is making up a name that's unique and original. You don't know how many bastards think of the most unique names ever only to find out other bastards thought of them first.
The same thing can be applied to ideas as well. One day, you'll find yourself humming a random tune then you'll hear a song with the same tune. Or perhaps a storyline that has the exact same story you thought of or written but hasn't been properly copyrighted.
But that was just a test. I pronounce the start of the blog, Endokun. That will not end for as long as I have access to the Internet and my lifeline.
And for my first suggestion, start reading this:
Click this.
Then this.
Trust me, it's not bad.
But what's harder than finding a name that hasn't been taken, is making up a name that's unique and original. You don't know how many bastards think of the most unique names ever only to find out other bastards thought of them first.
The same thing can be applied to ideas as well. One day, you'll find yourself humming a random tune then you'll hear a song with the same tune. Or perhaps a storyline that has the exact same story you thought of or written but hasn't been properly copyrighted.
But that was just a test. I pronounce the start of the blog, Endokun. That will not end for as long as I have access to the Internet and my lifeline.
And for my first suggestion, start reading this:
Click this.
Then this.
Trust me, it's not bad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
